A place to Start

And there was a beginning! I remember being warm and wet kind of humid maybe, then a sudden bright light a smack on the butt an the first cry of life. Since then how many day have started like that, more than I want to remember. For me it is important to remember them all as the journey to today has been long, if I were to forget the trip back would be very short. I feel I am at the point of birth again only this time with my relationship with God. I have started a new journey to know God, If only I had the ability to look at this with the eyes and wonder of a child. I find that I have to fight my addicts instinct to run, takeover, do it my way, not listen and talk my way down the path of this journey. It was this instinct that allowed me to fail 1o years to get a year sober. Life lead me to a 12 step program at 18, I just knew there was a better way. I sat in those rooms and thought I am not like those people. I had never lost a wife, kids, house, car or gone to jail. The truth is I just had not had the time to yet. I learned all the right lingo could quote the chapter and pages, but never did the work. I took the steps 2 at a time so I could miss the ones I did not like or that were to uncomfortable to face. I tried using multiple sponsors to hide from accountability. I used at 28 for the what I pray was the last time. I would be less than honest, if I told you alcohol and drugs are may only issues. I AM AN ADDICT and without care anything I find pleasure in can become my new addiction. As I face this new adventure I ask for Gods help to crawl, then walk and maybe one day the ability to run. It is funny I have always thought of my self as spiritual since becoming sober. I was having a conversation with my daughter and she tells me "I always thought mom was spiritual but I was not sure about you". This had nothing to do with attending church or reading the bible, but how we approached parenting and life. I have always believe I am not who I tell you I am, but who I show you I am. On that day my daughter taught me that, how I was living and acting was not who I thought I was. Today I know everything I do or say matters! Today I know that I am proudly one of those people and always will be and have found a Northstar to guide me back to God.